GAY MARRIAGE KILLED THE DINOSAURS
TRIGGER WARNING: The views presented in this article may or may not be a reflection of the authors own opinion. The article may or may not contain cynical or cringe-worthy content. The author understands the authenticity of this document is a bit dubious, but then so is legally permissible discrimination.
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We have come such a long way in terms of social equality. Hong Kong is one of the most developed cities in the world. So why isn’t gay marriage recognised in Hong Kong yet? Why doesn’t Hong Kong have anti-discrimination laws that protect LGBT people? These are the cries heard from a rising population that have turned to the ‘dark side’.
I’m here on the contrary. I’m here to make a case that defends traditional and inherent Hong Kong values, one that must lie in the very foundation of our society: the sin of homosexual marriages.
Are you a Hong Konger not sure whether to discriminate against LGBT couples? Are you confused about where you stand on Hong Kong’s marriage laws? No need! Let this informative 4-part guide on the LGBT community be your, um, guide.
1 Being gay is not natural.
As proud Hong Kongers, we reject unnatural things like vitamin pills and air conditioning . It’s also why people who had undergone plastic surgery are also exclusively banned from marrying their partners. Furthermore, gay marriage will encourage people to become gay, in the same way that hanging around short people will make you shorter.
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2 Gayness is bad for society.
Gay marriage will serve to tear apart the entire fabric of society; we could never adapt to new social norms, just like we haven’t adapted to airplanes, the service-sector economy, or democracy. It’s also why women are still objects and black people are still slaves.
Marriage is obviously not the expression of the love two people have for each other. It is, or is intended as, an unbreakable union between two people who exemplify the wondrous biological duality of the human race, with the openness to welcoming beautiful children into the worlds orphanages. The unique twoness of marriage indicates an inherent structure.
Gay marriage causes third party harm in damaging this sacredness of heterosexual marriages; the sanctity of Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be completely undermined. When homosexual marriage risks tainting the purity of our proud institution, the government is obligated to draw the line here. That’s why they have every business being in the bedrooms of Hong Kong citizens. Even if it means stripping gay people of their ability to marry whom they love, who cares? Preserving tradition clearly triumphs all.
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3 Gayness is an active choice.
It’s obvious to any logical person that when given the choice, people in Hong Kong choose to be gay for the sole purpose of being granted exclusive gay privileges; like stigma and discrimination on the basis of who they love.
“I was fully aware of the negative consequences of being gay,” said 2-month-old baby Jeff Chan, who announced Tuesday that he had decided to be homosexual. He is one of many babies of Hong Kong who have rationally made the choice to be gay. “I will bear the full consequences of my actions, be it if I get shunned, bullied, or will be unable to access equal rights and services for the rest of my life.” The newly homosexual infant added that he reached
his decision completely on his own, and was not influenced by his genetics or any circumstances beyond his control.
“Don’t worry,” Chan comments, “If I wake up one day and just don’t want to be gay anymore, I can switch to being heterosexual.” If you are kicking the gay habit, Chan recommends the ex-gay program to speed things along. It’s an experience combining religious teachings, self-help, a pint of stereotypes, and a healthy dose of bigotry. Here is the link to the program for your own reference.
4 Gay marriage is not supported by religion.
I’m sure that after reading the previous arguments, some of you are still buying into the ludicrous notions of ‘acceptance’ and ‘diversity’. if you’re still not convinced, it’s important to remember that the values of one religion are followed by the entire city. After all, Hong Kong is a theocracy. The sin of homosexuality is explicitly written in the bible, on a page that no one can find but is definitely there. This argument is legitimate as it is in the word of God, and we take everything in the bible at face value. Even verses like “Slaves can be bought, sold, or inherited.” - Leviticus 25:44-46, and “You can sell your daughter into slavery.” - Exodus 21.7.
The sanctity of the tradition of marriage is threatened by the LGBT movement. If this atrocity is legalised and gays can marry as they please, we, as a race of humans, cannot survive; the earth will be riddled by their non-existent babies of doom. Thus, it is vital that our inherent Hong Kong values are defended. As a race of people with a foundation built on equality, who stand for independence, autonomy, and freedom, we are obligated to extirpate the sin that is so infamously labeled Gay.